Last week I shared an updated version of a blog I wrote 8 years ago, How I Learned to Make Peace with my Aging Body. The original blog turned into a 3-part series because that first one provoked so much stimulating conversation—online, in person, and in my own head. Here is Part 2 - updated a bit from my 64 year old perspective.
A lot has changed in 8 years and this topic has only become more apropos.If you missed the original post, you can catch up HERE.
Age-ING or Age-LESS?
Many of us cringe away from the word “aging”, and I’ve been one of them.
I devoured Dr. Christiane Northrup’s book Goddesses Never Age in my early 50s, and it helped me redefine how I thought and felt about crossing that midlife threshold.
(Side note: I no longer follow Dr. Northrup because of what she promoted during the pandemic. However, I don’t believe in throwing out the baby with the bathwater and she wrote some helpful and amazing books on women’s health that still earn their spaces on my book shelf.)
While reading that book I began to understand that many of the supposed symptoms of aging don’t just show up out of nowhere. They actually arise from the stories we tell ourselves about it.
Or - more aptly - the stories we tell each other. With each passing year I notice how easy it is to fall into griping conversations with my friends over 50. What hurts, what’s going wrong with our bodies, the new limits we face
Northrup recommended staying away from those gripe sessions or at least changing the subject, as a technique for feeling ageless. I do try to catch myself when I find I’m going down that particular rabbit hole.
I definitely didn’t agree, though, with her advice that one never divulge one’s chronological age lest people make immediate assumptions about who you are and what your physical potential is.
Personally, I feel like that’s going a little too far. It feels disingenuous to me to be coy when someone asks how old I am, in fact I’m proud to give the goods. But you get to decide on that one!
The truth is I DO feel the passage of chronological time in my body. It’s not all a story in my head.
Twenty minutes on the meditation cushion leaves me groaning as I get up. I find I must be way more mindful and more gentle with exercise routines; I’ve learned the hard way that injuries can keep me away from exercising at all for longer than I want.
We are creatures of this Earth, products of Mother Nature, and it is part of the natural cycle that our human bodies will wax and wane, eventually decomposing back into the Earth.
It’s important to remember that you are so much more than you body! It is merely a vehicle carrying your spirit around the planet. My first life coaching mentor, Martha Beck, calls it a ‘meat suit’.
Yet, it can sure FEEL like you ARE your body.
After all you can’t get out of it (unless you are super enlightened and can meditate your way away.) When we’re in pain, or any sort of physical discomfort, the body suddenly becomes pretty paramount.
Getting Proactive vs Making Peace
As my good friend Margaret so wisely pointed out, there’s a difference between accepting what we cannot change and taking action to improve the things we can. This absolutely applies to our chronologically aging bodies.
This is going to look different for each of us depending on our circumstances and preferences.
For example—I wrote about my dissatisfaction with how hormonal changes are manifesting in my body, now that I am officially post-menopausal (occasional episodes of hot flashes not withstanding.)
My acceptance work is to embrace this stage of life and surrender to the fact that my shape will never be that of an 18-year-old again. (At least not in this life!)
My ‘take some action’ might be to take a discerning look at what I’m consuming that possibly exacerbates the problem and causes weight gain. Perhaps I have some sensitivities or allergies? The same foods and beverages that worked out fine 20 years ago might be problematic now.
I know I definitely can’t polish off a pint of Ben & Jerry’s anymore!
I can experiment with changing up foods, I can keep a food journal, I can go see a naturopath or functional medicine practitioner. I could even do some allergy testing if symptoms or weight gain are particularly bad.
I can also make a conscious effort to find enjoyable exercise routines that will help keep the shape I do have as toned and strong as possible.
The key here is ‘enjoyable’. What can you do to move your body that doesn’t feel like a chore?
(A favorite of mine now is Essentrics - short routines created by an aging ballerina that focus on strength, mobility, flexibility and pain relief. The arm routines are great for that bat wing situation! I have a monthly membership, but you can search on youtube to find some free workouts to try.)
I can practice saying nice things to myself about my body, and refuse to buy into cultural stereotypes that glorify a specific body type.
And then there’s the wrinkles, the “bat wings”, the crinkly cleavage. There’s some action we can take here—using high quality skincare products, getting enough rest, some might even choose chemical interventions.
But, in the end, acceptance will become necessary.
Just like a blooming flower that eventually fades and droops, just like the summer’s harvest that slowly dwindles and dries up, our animal bodies have their natural cycles.
In a future installment I’ll discuss our cultural aversion to aging, along with strategies to overcome falling prey to this insidious invitation to self hatred.
Another example: Aching limbs and muscles that need a lot more stretching and babying than they used to.
I can choose to moan, groan and complain. Or, I can choose to take care of those squawking body parts with various means…. from massage, to baths, to stretching, to arnica cream. It is what it is.
That’s a combination of acceptance and action.
Accept it, take care of it, drop the complaining.
It is so tempting to complain. There’s a weird satisfaction.
But, the truth is the more we indulge in that, the more we are basically CREATING more of what we don’t want!
I advocate going with the ‘making peace’ or acceptance route if taking action is going to cost you a bundle, cause a lot of pain and distress, or remove all of the fun in your life.
On the other hand, if you’re miserable with current conditions and there is some obvious action that could be taken to mitigate things, what are you waiting for? Start with one tiny step.
What can YOU accept? What can you act on? What is YOUR tiny step?
Share in the comments.