Have you ever started down a certain path in your life, and then someone or something showed up and caused you to take a U-turn? Suddenly you’re on a totally different path, and then when you look back years later you realize this was one of the pivotal moments of your life.
That’s what I call serendipity.
A few of you (who are reading Unabandoned) have asked me about what happened after I packed up my little Nissan Altima and drove away from the life I had built. That got me thinking about this whole idea of serendipity — as I remembered some of the synchronicities that showed up when I made that move.
When I left the life I’d built to find adventure — and myself — I had no clear vision of what was to come. All I knew was I wanted to test out living in a more urban area, after 30 years “behind the redwood curtain”, 275 miles from the nearest big city.
I didn’t have a job lined up, just a loose plan to stay in a friend’s basement until I could find a place to rent. I had a couple of connections in Portland, a few thousand dollars saved up, a part-time freelance job, a blog, and a starry-eyed plan to build an online business.
This is when you become most open to serendipity. When you have no real plan, and sometimes when things aren’t going all that well.
What a rude awakening to see the cost of renting a room in the Portland neighborhoods where I wanted to live! But then, while looking through posts in a Facebook Group I saw that a woman whom I’d briefly met at a conference for online entrepreneurs a few months back was looking for a housesitter/dogsitter for six weeks while she visited England. It was in one of the fun, walkable neighborhoods.
And… just like that voila! I was soon ensconced in her comfortable home in the Alberta District, taking care of her sweet little King Charles spaniel. I now had six more weeks to get the lay of the land and figure out the housing situation.
I was open, and a temporary home showed up.
Later, when the thousands of $$ failed to materialize in my online business, and I was hitting dead end after dead end in my search for a part-time job to carry me through, I got a call from New Renaissance Bookshop where I’d dropped off a resume months before.
I was on a trip back ‘home’ when they called, visiting my daughter in Northern California. This was way before Zoom interviews, and I had to tell the owner I was out of town and couldn’t do an interview for two more weeks. He was willing to wait, and very soon my immediate financial concerns were resolved with a part-time bookkeeping job in this sweet shop that was a bigger, more expansive version of my own Moonrise Herbs that I’d run for 19 years as a younger woman.
I was open, and a paycheck showed up.
Everything always works out….in some way or another. It’s just that there may be pitfalls (aka learning opportunities) along the way.
Was it all perfect? Of course not! Could it have been worse if I’d closed the doors of my mind? Definitely!
So Easy to Miss
That’s the thing about happy synchronicities - or serendipity - whatever you want to call it: they’re easily missed. Looking back now on those serendipitous invitations throughout my life — and the ones I missed — I realize there is a certain type of energy that I either embodied…. Or didn’t.
I can see now that my best outcomes were directly correlated to how willing I was to risk my comfort and safety. No easy task for any of us, and my particular personality and design really likes that safety. And yet, it turns out I might be more willing to take certain types of risks than your average bear.
Now, you won’t catch me jumping out of an airplane. I avoid most activities that might cause severe body damage or injury. I’m not that type of risk taker. Yet, I’ve refused to buy into the mandate modern society shoves down our throats: get a good job, earn money, build wealth, accumulate assets, and save the real enjoyment of life for when we retire.
(OK, true confession: sometimes I wish I’d followed the rules a little better. Despite my conviction that human consciousness is evolving, now I see those old patriarchal ways will take a bit longer than I hoped to break down. But that’s another story. Mostly I’m glad I decided to do things my way.)
A part of me tends to be serious and demands a plan for life backed by logic. She’s very nervous about the idea of taking chances. Luckily, I also have that more carefree part that wants to explore, play, and see what happens. They both work in tandem, and I need them both. But without “Carefree Girl,” I would miss the synchronicities. And then, once I’ve made the leap into something new, “Planner” can help me keep my shit together.
As a parentified child, I early on took on the belief that I must shoulder a lot of responsibility. Stay strong for everyone else, and keep it together. That’s where Planner got her start, and she only got more rigid and guarded as I grew into adulthood. And yet, that adventurous spirit often won out anyway. And when a Knowing dropped in, I moved on it.
The Human Design Connection
This all tracks with what I’ve been studying about my own Human Design. It’s my new fascination, and I’m certifying to become an Ignite Her Frequencies Human Design Guide. I got hooked when I realized how much it helps me understand my own shadows and gifts, and better appreciate my loved ones’ challenges.
More to come later on what Human Design is exactly, and how it works. But for today I am looking at what we call the “Core Four” which represent your life’s work (in traditional Human Design, it’s called the Incarnation Cross). Which four ‘gates’ you carry is determined by your birth date, time, and place, and suffice it to say they hold about 70 percent of what you’re working through in this lifetime.
Each gate has a challenge or shadow element, and also a gift or wisdom. Ideally, as we journey through life we move more into the gift and out of the shadow. But since these frequencies are part of what we’re meant to experience in this lifetime, we can often shift in and out of the shadow, hopefully becoming more aware of that happening sooner and sooner, so we can choose to shift.
Part of my Core Four is Gate 46. The shadow is Rigidity, the gift is Serendipity. This one gate highlights exactly what I’m discussing today — I can see that when I’m in that shadow of Rigidity, I get too controlling and attached to how things will go. I feel like I need to plan it all out and know exactly what’s coming next. But when I can lean into the Gift of Serendipity, I open myself up to the magic of unexpected opportunity showing up.
The insights I’ve gained so far about my own Design have helped me see my own past mistakes and wins in a new light, release some regrets, and fully enjoy and celebrate the serendipity I HAVE allowed in.
And even still, I sometimes struggle to stay open to the element of surprise and be willing to pivot when the Universe puts something in front of me that’s not part of the plan.
I feared abandoning the plan… but it turns out that sometimes sticking too closely to a plan (often dictated by the needs or directives of others) is actually abandoning myself! Because my true inner Self is not constrained by those directives, she wants to follow the breadcrumbs.
Since I’m on a mission now to stay with myself, to shed those behaviors of self-abandonment, and to help other women find their way back to themselves as well — I’m all for staying open to the synchronicities that may lead you closer to the longings of your heart.
How about you? Which synchronicities have you followed, and which ones did you talk yourself out of? Let’s chat about them in the comments!
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My book is out!
About the Book:
Unabandoned: A Midlife Woman’s Guide Out of People Pleasing, Perfectionism, and Imposter Syndrome
You did everything right. You became the one everyone counts on. So why the hum of discontent that wakes you at 3 a.m.?
Unabandoned is part memoir, part field guide — the friendly company of someone who walked this ground just ahead of you, reaching back. You’ve left yourself behind for so long. This is the invitation to stay.
The ebook is just $4.99 for the launch period, going up to $8.99 later this fall. You don’t need a Kindle device to read it; the free Kindle app works on any phone, tablet, or computer. Prefer to hold it in your hands? The paperback is available too, at $12.99.