This morning I woke up with that familiar pressured feeling. So much to do! Especially before the workshop I’m leading tomorrow. My mind started racing, reviewing the different tasks and wondering how I’d fit them into the time.
I felt that pressure squeezing in my chest and clenching my shoulders and neck. Maybe I should just get straight to work, I thought, and skip my morning meditation and journaling time.
And then I had to burst out laughing!
Oh, the irony!
Here I am, about to lead a workshop called “Stop Putting Yourself Last: a workshop for women ready to put themselves back on the list.” And I almost kicked myself down to the bottom of the list, or off it completely. The old habit of pressuring myself into performance was about to take over, and that’s exactly what I’m teaching others NOT to do.
Well, they do say we teach what we most need to learn!
It was a good catch. And at this point in my life, I’m savvy enough to realize it’s exactly in these moments that we can most effectively shift long-entrenched patterns.
Since I was recently working with this aspect of my Human Design, and knew that the challenge or shadow is pressure and the wisdom path forward is to connect to my enthusiasm for the tasks before me, I saw clearly what was happening.
But, I then fell into another old pattern: beating myself up because I was allowing the pressure to take over.
I’m pretty onto myself now, so I started doing some EFT tapping to let the part inside of me that feels like we need pressure to move forward have the stage and talk. I learned that this part is so, so scared of getting anything wrong. She thinks we have to get it perfect or else we’ll be horribly disappointed, and it will be yet another fail. And (the part concluded) THAT means it’s confirmation that we’re just not good enough!
I spent some more time tapping with this part, asking her to separate so I could stay in my Wise Self and meet her with curiosity, compassion, and yes, some comfort. This part has been working so hard for such a long time. She doesn’t quite believe we can succeed in our endeavors without feeling pressured and somewhat overwhelmed.
The tapping helped. I’ve observed this syndrome in myself for a long time, and now using the tools I’ve leaned on for years, and some new ones (contemplating my patterns through the lens of IGNITE Her Frequencies Human Design), I’m arriving at new and powerful breakthroughs.
To actually practice what we teach can be more difficult than the work of supporting others. We peel back one layer of the onion, and oh my! There’s yet another layer to be explored and healed.
With the busyness of the holidays approaching, this feels particularly timely. Those of us who forget to put ourselves on the list are super good at making sure everyone else is set up and comfortable for a fun holiday, and that we look perfectly festive, perfectly generous.
You might have been that person, the keeper of the keys, the one who holds it all together. But if you’re wondering what happened to holding it together for YOU... come join me tomorrow.
Stop Putting Yourself Last is tomorrow, Tuesday, November 10, at 4:00 pm Pacific / 7:00 pm Eastern, free and live on Zoom.
My intention is that you’ll leave with at least one significant breakthrough about your own pattern of putting yourself last, and with the support of the group, one step toward getting back on your own list.
Oh, and this morning? Once I got my head turned around to the RIGHT priorities, I took some time with my journal, did just a bit of work, and then took care of myself by NOT passing up my stretch and exercise routine. By eating a healthy breakfast.
I set myself up to have my best energy and to tune into that enthusiasm and that joy. They are WAY better fuel than pressure!
So... what’s on your list today, and where are YOU on it? If you’re reading this in your inbox, just hit reply. It comes straight to me, and I read every one. Or leave a comment below to start a conversation.
Nailed it for me today! I am enjoying living vicariously through your journey. Thx.